I was informed around the New Year that 2014 is the year of the Open Door according to the Jewish calendar. Though I’m not Jewish, I got really excited because it spoke to my spirit. It hit me in those places that have been in a state of expectation for too many years to remember. Dreams deferred began to awaken in the pit of my stomach and my heart began to beat at an accelerated pace. And so with a renewed sense of hope and excitement I stepped further into the year and into the pursuit of my dreams.
I must admit that over the years I have been hindered by my unrealistic and naïve expectation of what the arrival at my appointed dream and desire would and should look like; not realizing that I had actually arrived some time ago. Unemployment, and heartbreak had convinced me that I had failed somehow in the delivery of those parts of me that should have been enough, enough to secure a successful career and enough to secure the love of another. But as often is the case…life happens and I found myself struggling with those things that I had used to measure my worth, my relevance and yes, my success.
With much prayer and listening and the constant attempts by God to get through to my thick head and heart, I slowly…ever so slowly began to awaken from my stupor. What I thought was loss was merely opportunity to begin again the journey that was originally the path that God had set me on long, long ago. I realized that the jobs I’d settled for were never meant to be the career I aspired to, they were simply jobs that I’d settled in and got real comfortable with and wanted to mold into that career. God’s plan had never changed and he was quite clear on what that was. Those relationships that didn’t work…well I began to praise Him for deliverance and the voice I was so certain was God himself, telling me that that man was my husband was not a prophecy of my covering but in fact, was a warning of doom! What came after were continued warnings to run as fast as I could in the opposite direction! Thank you God, for that!!! Message heard and message received!
So, now here I am just turned another year old, watching my life as if in the middle of an out of body experience. I’m seeing doors opening, opportunities literally dropping in my lap. I see God placing me in a position to bless others out of my blessings! Wow! My arrival at my dream didn’t come with a big bang. I didn’t wake up and find myself here. In fact, it came in small, little pieces; step by step, bit by bit, sometimes pieces so small that because of my big appetite, I missed it and kept whining and wanting more wondering when it would be my turn. I had to learn to recognize and grab the pieces before I could hold on to the whole.
In this year of the Open Door, I’m finding peace in the piecemeal. Each bit, like a tasty morsel, sweet, crunchy, delectable and necessary. God in his infinite wisdom knows that I can’t and never could handle the whole piece at once. But He did know that the pieces would prepare me for the whole. The pieces taught me that I could actually have the whole, not that I’m worthy but simply because He is a merciful, kind and loving God! The piecemeal blessings if recognized for what they are, are in themselves amazing! We cannot fully appreciate the whole until we have digested the piecemeal blessings. So, as I look down the road, praying that God will allow me more days, I am on the proverbial cloud nine, excited, rejoicing, praising and I am fearlessly pursuing that which I believe is mine to have. I am paying close attention not to miss one small bit, and not stumbling over one step in the process. Thank you God for the joy and the peace I now have in the piecemeal.