I've come to a stage in my life where I find myself spending a lot of time in review. Reviewing my life, choices, challenges, victories and yes, especially my failures. It is that list of failures that has prompted me to write a letter to a very special person in my life. I love this person with all of my heart, but I don't tell them nearly enough how I feel about them. I get so wrapped up in that list of failures that I don't say how much this person means to me, how valuable they are, how wonderful and magnificent they are and that the world would not be the same if she were not here. Every time I forget to do this, that list of failures I spoke about earlier gets longer. So, now is the time, right now, to sit and write a letter to the love of my life and after she reads it, I hope she forgives me for all the times I took her for granted, mistreated her, spoke ill of her and regarded her as less than worthy of love, happiness and joy.
I pray that this letter finds you well. First I want to thank you in advance for taking the time to read this letter. You didn't have to because I know you're busy trying to chase that dream that for so long has been deferred. I so admire your belief in that dream and how you refuse to let the naysayers trick you into believing that you can't have that which your heart desires. I know it's hard sometimes keeping the faith strong and pushing ahead. God has given you everything you need to see what others may not...YET!
You are important---to ME and I haven't always shown you the love you deserve. I've kept you up much too late and gotten you up much too early and fed you the scraps from the table of strangers. I forgot to treat your body like the temple that it is. God's gift deserving of care, loving care, love. For this, I am so sorry. Wonderfully and marvelously made by the very hands of God! I didn't always regard your skin as beautiful, sprinkled with cocoa brown beauty marks passed down from your mother. You always felt ashamed so you covered them and prayed no one would asked about them. Made...by God's hands!
You are good enough! Just as you are! The curves of your hips, the unruly wave of your hair...is...good...enough! God did this because HE saw a beautiful carmel/black girl in his mind's eye and so he made you! God's hands! Each twist, bump, wrinkle...He Did This..YOU! I should have told you it was okay what you saw in the mirror each day. You studied yourself and so many times you did not approve and I stood with you in silence as you accepted the critical evaluation of yourself. God's hands! His handiwork!! No mistakes because he just doesn't make them!
So you've had your heart broken on more than one occasion, still you secretly though silently pray that by some chance love will find it's way to you. You've convinced yourself that it's you. Not worthy, not good enough, not likable or lovable. Convinced that others, that a man could see your flaws instantly at first glance. And so, it made perfect sense to you why you are alone! God Did Not Make YOU to be alone! His hands...Mercy! I should have told you that it was all a lie! But I neglected you because I was afraid and again I stood by while you cried yourself to sleep night after night and woke up with tear stained cheeks morning after morning! I am so sorry for not taking care of your heart!
Now it's time for me to make amends. It's never to late to get it right and since I know that you possess within you the power and wisdom to forgive, I'm asking you for another chance to be the person that God made me to be in your life. You are a Queen, you're special, and you're unique! So much so that when God made you, he only made one. Your mission should you choose to accept it is to be the best YOU! God loves you, he has breathed a purpose into your existence that does not include failure, my dear precious woman! Take hold of His hand it's there, I know you can feel it. Open your heart first to Him and then just you wait and see what the God of all things good will do for you!
I've got to go now, for you see, I'm busy too. I hope you read these words and take them to heart. Remember, I love you without question, or reservation, boldly and without shame. No it's not pride or arrogance it's simply assurance because I know that what lies ahead is nothing that God has not already given you the tools to handle!
Please keep me in your prayers and you will be in mine.
Loving you just because,